The South African you think you are

The South African you think you are

“It's very difficult not to come across as a  white supremacist when there are so many black inferiorist around .(sic)” -David Bullard

<pic sourced:
www.southafrica-for-dummies.com>

I used this quote on purpose, is it ruffling your feathers?
The past few weeks have divided many of us, brought some of us together and demonstrated that some of us would go to great lengths to demonstrates that they truly do not care about what happens in our parliament, provincial legislatures and courts-I say that this because I truly believe that someone would really ‘not give a rat’s ass’-as Americans prefer to put it, about how our country is managed and the shenanigans or lack there off, carried out by those doing the so called, managing.

The fracas caused by the Nkandla scandal, the Oscar Pistorius trial, the bombings between Israel and Hamas in the Gaza strip, Malema and the red brigade’s slogan coining revolt in parly, etc. these have really shown what kind of citizens South Africans are.

According to me they are three type of South Africans;

•          The opinionated, knowledgeable or  current affairs following type
•          The opinionated, clueless, but current affairs following type-who more often than not would rather laugh at an issue and speak of how ‘ridiculous’ it is.

•          The passive ‘ It doesn't involve me’ type
•          Lastly,  the despondent ‘ if it isn’t this damned, and god forsaken country’ uttering type. 

The first category refers those who make it their mission to follow every story, read up on the reasons of a  conflict, the policy, law or popular opinion surrounding everything that happens in the country. These people will write to publications, blog, call into talk shows or merely listen and partake in heated debates about the matter at hand-warning, they're usually the type that think they know it all and may get on your nerves.

<Pic sourced: wwwsaparavur.blogspot.com>

The second bunch is just as vocal and also makes a concerted effort to follow every story, the only part they neglect is to read up on the fundamentals surrounding the issues or even listen to reputable experts on the matter. They're usually the loudest and will rather silence you through shouting and quoting philosophers and theorists to get you off topic.

The third ilk (that means type-and yes I just used it for no reason, I know), either does give a damn or has taught itself not to. People of this category never have an opinion, if they do, they seldom know what to say about it-tragic, I agree.

The last category consists of those who probably once fell in the first or second category at some point. This type has probably written letters of complaints, almost engaged in fist fights in heated debates-yes those people do exist, but they came to a point where they ceased to care, that is not to say they couldn't be bothered, merely that they do nothing to show that bother.

<Pic sourced: www.dispatchlive.co.za>

 So! Which South African are you?

No one wants a good guy, but a good guy is good

No one wants a good guy, but a good guy is good

These words were uttered by one of my female colleagues in a discussion we had this Tuesday at the office. So you know all my colleagues are female and you wouldn't believe the stuff I've learnt this from them, this year already.

<pic sourced at www. tattoopins.com>

These days people talk about playing the game and being the this and that sort of player. Let me be precise, when I say people, I mean guys. Here's the thing, when you find yourself having been friend zoned more times than you have actually been the boyfriend you probably need to know something. Here it is, girls simply do not want good guys. The moment you think you're being a gentleman, there's another guy out there doing the exact opposite of what you're doing, yet getting benefits that you are still dreaming of having.

Don't get me wrong. From what I heard, you don't have to be mean, cruel, and physically abusive or something from a Yizo-Yizo prison scene. All you have to be is someone with an ‘uyeza noma awuzi’ attitude. Here are examples,  ; be the guy who laughs at a girls sob stories while she’s busy confiding in you; ask her once if she wants to do something and walk off while she’s still taking her time with the answer; call her to your place and have her cook for you; leave her to go drinking with your friends and come back next morning when she has come to visit you for the weekend, Throw in an argumentative nature over the most irrelevant matters and the promise of a slap or the actual act and voila! You’re the elusive, mystical ‘bad boy’ that makes girls weep (literally) and weak at the knees.

<pic sourced at www.johnturner.com>

‘Who wants to go party with a good guy, that’s just a recipe for a boring night’ this paraphrased statement is a watered down account of what was actually said. In the  discussion I mentioned above.The do's and don't according to my colleagues were concise and straight to the point, and went like this:

·         Never drop everything when she just decides to tell you she’s coming at a spur of the moment, she should know that your life doesn't revolve around her.

·         When she comes over to your place, open the packet of chips, drink the juice or cool drink and eat a couple of those biscuits in that pack. She should think your place always has these goodies, not that you only buy them when she comes around.

·         Lastly, if you ever agree to let her bring her friends to an outing whereas you had invited only her, you've lost the game my friend. Your place at the players hall of fame has been given to a real player, and not poor you.

How to spot a UJ student

How to spot a UJ student

 UJ students are easily recognisable, to outsiders ( No! not immigrants, but students from other tertiary institutions) because of their apparent attention seeking nature ( that’s a good thing) as well their consistently deliberate efforts to stand out. Yes, the general belief that UJ students are too out there is actually true-ACCORDING TO ME AT LEAST.

<photo by Mpho Macheke-UJ Observer>

 Firstly, lookout for the students walking around the student centres of other varsities, with that “oh I wish you could come to my school and see what A real student centre looks like”. Secondly, when they know there’s going to be a high attendance of students from other campuses. UJ guys walk around with that smug self-satisfied grin which has that “I told them we had the hottest girls in South African tertiary institutions” air in it. Thirdly, at the Fresher’s or RAG parties, UJ students would be the ones dancing as if the Mayans had changed the date for the end of the world to September 1^st 2014.

Furthermore when you turn on your TV to watch a variety or game show and there are contestants who are studying in varsity. The most talkative guy acting like the show is produced by his uncle or the girl with the impressive weave and dress sense will most certainly be studying in UJ. In the event you find yourself in Braamfontein-where there is a plethora of tertiary institutions, and are in a debate about which varsity is the best in the country. The people looking sour as if they just had a sip of beer and realised it tasted nothing like juice, everytime when the guy or girl from Wits says how impressive Wits is, are probably UJ-ians.

<photo sourced: www. itnewsafrica.com>

Lastly, perhaps the most visible indicator that someone is a UJ student is when you are chilling with a guy ekasi lakho and you’re showing him how hot the girls in your neighbourhood are. The guy acting like he’s seen it all when it comes to hot girls would be the one from UJ. If it’s a girl when you show her how impressive ‘Thabo’ is because he just bought a Golf 5, the girl acting like Thabo might as well be driving an Uno, is probably from UJ.

I must say that as much as all that I have written is a satirical take of my school and its students, this is the exact thing that makes me love being a student from the University of Johannesburg. FYI don’t even think of making fun of my school, only we can do that.

                                                                                                                      

<pic sourced from UJ Observer>

Equal Rights for Women

Equal Rights for Women

How I think women only want it when its beneficial to them in some way

<www.rationalfaith.com>

Now before you jump up and yell, chauvinist! Lend me an ear first. Of all the chants and debates about equal rights to opportunities in management or leadership positions, women are most vociferous .It’s okay to do “once manly jobs such as being police officers, soldiers, etc, because they are interested in doing them. In the black communities I grew up in, women there are okay to dismiss doing the garden or throwing out the rubbish as a man’s job because they aren't interested in doing them.

I’m well aware of the fact that my examples border on the silly and irrelevant, but that’s just how low the hypocrisy delves. Age old societal norms such as calling the human race ‘mankind’, using words such as chairman to note an organisation’s head or having a woman take her husband’s last name after marriage, are scoffed at and denigrated at feminist fuelled advocacy groups or merely in the mindsets of a lot of women.

That attitude seizes to be scornful and promptly turns into a jest when it comes to other societal norms that have persisted throughout the ages. Norms such as the man having to pay in the event of an outing, be the ‘gentleman’ and let the ‘ladies’ go first and the like.

Indeed, if you watch reputable talk shows such as Oprah for instance you’re given front row seats as to how hypocritical women can be. That is exactly what happened to former US secretary of state, Hillary Clinton when she chose to forgive, her husband, then President Clinton after the Monica Luwensky debacle.

Whenever a woman is found to have cheated, the man is lauded as a gentleman and a good guy if he forgives her. Watch what happens when a man is found to have committed an infidelity-the audience is unanimous and steadfast in condemning the foolish partner for even considering pardoning that sorry excuse of a ‘human being’. Indeed, even in the event of the women falling pregnant by her equally happy to cheat partner, the man would be a saint personified if they chose to overlook the ‘incident’ and continued on and raised the other Man’s child.

<www.breakingtheglass.com>

In this diverse country of our which has provisions for African customs and traditions, No customs is as backward, patriarchal and chauvinistic, not to mention that treats women as commodities such as Ilobolo, and Of all the ‘irrelevant’ and ‘unnecessary’ African customs,  the so called modern woman has no problem with this particular custom.

 If this Ilobolo actually worked conversely and instead required women or their families to take out that extortionately exorbitant amount of money that unlike as originally intended will do nothing to stop a marriage from being dissolved in matter of years or even months, a plethora of women would have dismissed it as a thing of the past that should rather remain there.

There are campaigns all over the world that talk of how ‘real men’ ought to behave. Women seem to know everything ‘real men’ shouldn’t and should do. Slogans that have the prefix real men don’t... are the toast of their campaign managers. However, if men took to the streets with placards speaking of how’ real women’ ought to behave, they would be chastised and questions such as ‘who do they think they are’ would be abound.

<www.ramzpaul.com>

I’m cognisant of how bitter I come across, but let me assure you that I was grinning from ear to ear as I wrote this because I realise that self preservation is one of those traits that all human beings are infallible of. So the next time you think of how evil men have been by pronouncing themselves lords over women through the ages. Spare the taught that women would have done the very same thing had they had the chance.