‘I love you son. What? No! Take that back dad!'

‘I love you son. What? No! Take that back dad!'

All this American television I grew up watching has seriously led to a lot confusion with regards to social norms and what is comfortable and what is not. Allow me to expatiate. For the longest time I have never heard the words ‘I love you come from my dad’ I also never had a problem when he would miss most of the events I participated in, because I knew that whatever he was doing was more important, especially because it would result in my stomach filled with all sorts of treats upon his return.

Lets keep it there dad. Pic sourced : <www.mvwelnesscenter.com>

With this outlook in life I find myself scoffing at the drama that ensues and the sorrow or self-destruction that befalls teens on a plethora of these American television programmes. 

 I tell you, as a parent if you dare miss a day without telling your energetic tyke that you love them and then proceed to kiss them on the forehead as they leave for school in the morning. You will find yourself sitting on a psychiatrists couch 5 years later, trying to explain that you are not the devil incarnate all because you miss little Kyle’s  swimming practice sessions 8 years ago when he was in grade two.

Was it only me who thought it was good when my parent was away at work because that would mean a full stomach and new clothes on Christmas on my part? I seriously don’t get the sentiment that says your parents should come home after a long day and play hide and seek with you in a bid to avoid you turning to drugs or to a ‘star’ in adult entertainment all because ‘you were neglected as a child’.

You're grounded: Pic sourced <www.semiproper.com>

I’m tempted to add race into this, not because I want to partake in South Africa’s favourite pastime (bickering about this and that being black or white), but because I have only ever seen this on the limited contact with Caucasian kids I had back in junior primary. I tell you, growing up none of my friends or playmates had ever came to the playground or the streets, with their eyes red because they only saw their dad on the weekends-twice a month at that, no, instead having your father roaming around the living room and messing with your precious time for watching Sharky and George or Biker mice from Mars, would be the very thing that would send worry signals in your cartoon drunk brain.

I honestly think I would have fallen into a mini depression if one day my father had pulled me towards him and gave me a hearty hug preceded by the words ‘I love you son’. Good god! A smile and a nod would've been enough, dad! 

On the event I got a hiding which was pretty much at least once a week. I wouldn't have even held my breath for an apology from my Mom-admitting to me that she acted out of haste and that next time she will try sitting down and talking about the matter. What!?

At least I'm playing: Pic sourced <www.kidcriticusa.com>

Since things apparently, never disappear from the internet, this is for you future son and daughter. You’re kidding yourself in thinking that when you are naughty you will be given time-outs, grounding and your toys taken away from you. Keep dreaming my sweet nunu.You can have your toys, only you will have to play that XBOX standing up because sitting down will be mission and a half after I have torn that ass up!

'The lost generation'

'The lost generation'

I hear the rhetoric almost every day ‘today’s youth is lazy, today’s youth is entitled’. To an extent that may be true, but set against the logic of the proponents of this message, it couldn't be further from the truth.

<Pic sourced: www. www.saha.org.za>

Here’s what I mean by this. The main argument to the noise about ‘this generation’ being filled to the brim with lazy and unimaginative youth is because generations such as that of 1976 are used as a comparative device. 
What these people forget is that the militancy, awareness and resolve of that youth was not up to the individual, that simply means that a person did not have to be an avid reader or a follower of current affairs or partake in community engagements to know about things, no. The issues were tangible and right there in their faces.

No matter how lazy or ignorant someone was, there was absolutely no way that they wouldn't know about the state of emergency in the late eighties, because they were security forces in armoured vehicles patrolling the streets on a daily basis to constantly remind them of that fact.

Today’s youth is a direct reflection of the broader society which has ceased to care about the well-being and progress of the collective and instead focuses on the self. 

The reason why people don’t join others and campaign against injustices today, is simply because they are better off. People will not go to the streets or join a petition and protest against youth unemployment or the ludicrous Electronic tolling system because unlike the majority, they have a job or they can afford to pay.

What happened to 'a person is a person because of others' ?

<Pic sourced: www. funny-pictures.picphotos.net>

The sooner we realise that regardless of the fact you or I are in a better state in comparison to the next person, is the sooner we’ll know that what affects ‘us here’ and what affects ‘them there’ affects everyone throughout the length and breadth of this country.

 The same youth which is not at school or at work is the same youth which will hold you hold you up at gun point, so the notion that there is a ‘them’ and an ‘us’ is baseless and at worse short-sighted and un-South African.

When the youth through the decades saw that the majority of blacks sat uneducated, oppressed at the work place and ostracised in public, they didn't fold their arms and say ‘ at least my family or community is better off ’ no! They instead made it that their fight, hence our history speaks of such events as the bus boycotts in Alex, the defiance of the public gathering ban in Langa (http://www.sahistory.org.za/topic/sharpeville-massacre-21-march-1960) years later and the well-known 1976 uprisings in Soweto.

Furthermore, this resolve from the youth of yesteryear could also be seen in the older generation of that time. When members of the united party broke away from it, after the rejection of the proposal to return land to the black majority, to form the progressive party ( http://www.da.org.za/why-the-da/history/). They actually didn't have to. They were white and privileged like the rest of their kin, but they chose to break ranks in Solidarity with the oppressed black majority.

In summation. The above-mentioned, is the exact spirit today’s youth should espouse. Failure to do this will render us worthy to be labelled with a much worse title than that of ‘the lost generation’.

the chain of life

The chain of life

You don’t need me to tell you that human beings are a pretty weird bunch. Seriously though, a friend of mine and I were talking and then this question came up. Why do people chase after things that have a disregard for them and in turn disregard things that chase after them?

< Pic sourced: www.elitedaily.com>

You’re a bit lost, so let me elaborate. In your love life for instance, you don’t want the guy or girl who clearly loves you and would do everything they could for you, instead you are chasing after someone else. Oh, don’t feel bad, you’ll be glad to know that that same person too is chasing after someone else who is doing to them what they are doing to you. It’s ridiculous I tell you.

Take this aforementioned friend of mine for an example. A girl he hardly likes is chasing after him. He is just using that girl for you know what. Don’t feel sorry for the girl just yet, because she is doing to another older guy the same thing my friend is doing to her. What she doesn’t know is that the older guy has even dreamt a future for both them, shame bakithi. And you know that this friend of mine is just lusting or loving after another girl who doesn’t know that he even exists.

<Pic sourced: www.vecto.rs>

Here is a less funny example. Most of the people around me are either in school or have just graduated, either way they are looking for jobs or want ones better than those they already have. Even in this case, the same rules apply.

 I know a guy who quit a job because he says it bored him to death. On the same breath I know a guy who would do quite a lot just to get the very same job the first guy quit.

I know what you’re thinking and you can stop wishing. Yes, the first guy who quit his ‘boring job’ is looking for a job that he loves, a job he knows he can do great things in. Guess who has that very job? That’s right! Someone who couldn't care less about it. In fact, for that person this is just a job, but for this guy this could be his life! Everything is just a never-ending vicious circle.

So what’s your point!? [That’s you shouting at me through your screen]. Here it is. Whenever you do things don’t take them lightly. Always bear in mind that someone else would break an arm and a leg in trying to ensure that they are properly or efficiently taken care of.

We'll get rid of e-tolls......not really.

We'll get rid of e-tolls......not really

The happenings at the recently held Gauteng ANC elective congress have raised all sorts of opinions and excitement. President Jacob Zuma absence at the event has even fuelled notions that there may be a currently irreparable rift between the Gauteng and national ANC.

<Pic sourced: www.dailymaverick.co.za>

All stakeholders involved are exhibiting intrigue based on differing agendas. Whilst one group is salivating because of the perceived ructions within the ANC, another grouping is anxious as a direct result of these developments-however recent or long ago they are purported to have sprouted. 

The third horde however, is gleefully transfixed at these events as they constitute news, meaning more publication sales and ratings. There is an unspoken of  crop of people-who form the fourth group, or maybe I’m being presumptuous, instead of a multitude of people maybe I’m the only one who holds this view or sees this matter on this particular angle.

I, dear reader, feel that there are no ructions between the Walter Sisulu and Luthuli houses. In fact I would venture to say that all this is just a ploy- from the ruling party, to wrest back a proper stranglehold of Gauteng. This, for me smacks of the same often well-timed and strategically uttered vitriol and denigration that is spewed by COSATU’S very own comeback kid, Zwelinzima Vavi-I find it disingenuous that someone who can pin point and even say out loud repeatedly, the faults that are keeping in chains, South African labour and by default, the South African economy at large due to the maintaining of the exact complacent ineptitude that has led us into this pit to begin with, keeps steadfastly on in an alliance with the very same people perpetuating this ‘injustice’ he keeps pointing at.

Indeed I might even be tempted to supervise a fan page for the incumbent Numsa Secretary General, Irvin Jim. At least in all his protestations he has even endeavoured or at least threatened to sever ties with the COSATU and in automatically, the ruling party. That is a clear sign of disenchantment with an untenable relationship and a further visible resolve to solve the problem. I truly do not see that Paul Mashatile and co have the intent to carry out this perceived mutiny of theirs. I’m not arguing against the fact that there have been noticeable periods at which they and Zuma or the ANC at 

national level have not seen eye to eye, but am pointing at the fact that it ended then and there.

<Pic sourced: www.enca.com>

The current supposed disgruntlement they have against the electronic tolling system and its ramifications on the number of votes they won at the last elections is not a fight they are planning to take up and wage come hell or high waters. Like Premier Makhura’s E-toll commission, this is merely a folly meant to deceive the voters and make them believe that their interests are something actually worth fighting for with disregard for the career stifling consequences that may result in the wake of failure.

I’m sorry to disappoint people who fall under the first above-mentioned group. The ruling party is bereft of the rabble-rousing, fight for their convictions or the greater good ilk of leaders that championed the establishment of the Youth League or the move to racial integration within the party back in the tenuous 1940’s. All it now has is a bunch of individuals who toe the line and would rather whisper their disagreement in the shadows than putting them to the fore and daring to shore up support for them at all costs.

When then Gauteng premier, Ms Nomvula Mokonyane was quoted on this very publication’s online platform in 2012 she stated that “As the provincial government, we are conscious that a solution must be found that will balance the considerations of affordability, impact on public transport but also honouring our commitment to paying our dues,” There must have been some hope or a sense that she would honour her words. But as we know nothing happened. The affordability considerations she spoke of were never revised. In fact, the very reason this issue is still of high contention is exactly because of motorists viewing it as not being affordable. And who might I ask, was the provincial leader of the ANC at that time? It’s the very same newly re-elected Paul Mashatile.

<pic sourced: www.vivacommunications.co.au>

In isiZulu there is an idiom that says ‘Ithemba alibulali” loosely translated that means there is no harm in having hope. If citizens of Gauteng choose to extend themselves once again and believe that this whole noise being made by Gauteng ANC has even an ounce of sincerity, well to each his own I suppose.

Just know that post 2016 the gantries will still be up and tolling. And the noises of dissent, that have some thinking all that glistens is gold, will have quietened. In the same breath, at a certain prominent address on Sauer street downtown Johannesburg, life will be going on as if nothing ever happened.

Bullshit! Sorry. I meant, excrement from a male Ox!!

Bullshit! Sorry. I meant, excrement from a male Ox!!

For the past twenty years this freedom we so joyously enjoy and like to make noise of, has trapped us in a perpetual existence of having to explain what we meant when we said this or that.

<pic sourced: www.archive.4plebs.org>

 I tell you, if you thought that freedom of speech was censored under apartheid, it’s now actually worse and unlike back then when there were laws that an anxious man in uniform whose job description centred around running after, beating to a pulp and imprisoning anyone who dared to break the law by saying or writing about something or someone (usually the government and its plethora of clandestine and questionable activities)-let’s call him AP (Apartheid), things are way less apparent.

In recent times we have a silent and unspoken of ‘man in uniform’ whose job description mirrors that of his pre-1994 comrade-let’s call him PC (politically correct).

Nowadays PC watches whatever you say or write, and unlike yesteryear, speaking out of turn against the government is the least of your worries-that has turned into a national sport, yes we actually love it more than rugby now. Unlike his slow to react friend, AP, PC is diligent and persistent. Indeed he has the power and clout to make sure that everyone, including you beloved grandmother, turns against you and view you with eyes filled with disgust and disappointment.

I have seen a million and one people cornered in some talk show trying explain by saying these stupid words ‘no-no, I don’t hate homosexuals, I didn't say that. I was just saying that if maybe they can do their thing somewhere else’ [sic]. What! Did you just say that? –their interviewer would snap.

I'm not sure how many times I have heard grown men protest how they have no problem, how they would in fact rejoice on the day South Africa elects its first female president. Hahahahaha. Those are the same men who opted to rather vote for the scandal-prone president Zuma instead of ‘risking it’ and pushing then deputy president Phumzile Mlambo Ngcuka, to the fore (sorry to burst your bubble Msholozi, there were a couple of reasons that made people to actually choose you as president of the ANC, and this, according to me, is one of them).

pic sourced: www.viruscomix.com>

The folks who sit in Oxford and compile the dictionary have had their hands full for the past decade, what with the swelling number of words we are now using, that were virtually non-existent about two decades ago. Today our trusty soldier PC will pounce at you if you dared to call someone ‘crippled’ instead of ‘disabled’ You would be burnt at the stake if you ever found yourself uttering the words ‘crazy or retarded, no! You can’t do that cave man! It’s actually mentally incapacitated or challenged.

 Lastly, no matter how drunk you are, don’t even think of calling that hard working busy body who cooks, washes and irons for you, feeds both your kids and dogs, a maid. Are you insane!? Oh, sorry. I meant, are you mentally challenged!? You can’t say that, she is a domestic helper of course, everyone knows that.

<pic sourced: www.sowkat11.tk>

At least I’m better than you!

At least I’m better than you!



<Pic sourced://www.socialstudiesextensions.wikispaces.com

These words reminded me of the days in which I used to be in primary school. Don’t let my youthful looks deceive you, that was quite a long time ago-The mid-nineties to be exact. Anyway, our school bus comprised of school children from as much as four different schools. You see, we lived in a quasi-urban coastal setting in Northern KZN, in a place that was more of a rural area than a township, Khula Village it was called-even the name said it all. Right, back to the bus.

Of the four schools represented in the bus, three of them were located in town and one was in a military suburb located half way to town. Now back in 1996 people still had the tendency of adding a racial description at the end of the name of a school (I’m not sure what this was about so I’ll pull the blame it on Apartheid card). I attended Umfolozi primary school (coloured school), a minority of the passengers went to Engweni primary school (It didn’t have an added description which meant it was a so called ‘black’ school), then there was the puny minority which attended the Christian school (A white school, but unlike Mtuba primary, it had a considerable number of black learners and was English medium) and lastly you had the even tinier minority from Mtuba Primary school (White school: Afrikaans medium).

<Pic sourced:www.jsonline.com>

Now, to say there was friction in the bus would be a stretch, but the pre-pubescent passengers had an inclination to group themselves according to the schools they attended. An unspoken of hierarchy existed in this bus. The crop of learners from my school- who were in the majority, always had a negative attitude towards learners from Engweni primary. No one ever said anything rude or demeaning but you could feel it in the air. We sometimes had sessions to discuss how dirty or shabbily dressed these kids were. Even speaking to them was a no, no, I tell you. The only other kids we’d speak to-other than those from our school (Umfolozi), were those from Christian school. Omtakabani (A Zulu term for privileged people) from Mtuba primary would seat silently and unbothered-Tamagochi or Gameboy in hand (what? I told you this was long ago. There weren’t any PSP’s or Smartphones back then) and with their cooler boxes and hockey sticks sitting conspicuously right next to them.



Pic Sourced: www.shiwalibeingsocial.blogspot.com>

Everyone knew that the kids from Mtuba primary were the Motsepe’s of the bus. The Christian school crew were more like the Maphonya’s. We on the other hand could be likened to a working class family from Brixton. But, however bad this made us feel, we always (YES, I said WE. I was part of it. I know, I know, shame on me), felt that we were better than the Ebola suffering, hunger-aid-needing Africans of the bus- the Engweni primary crop.

What’s the point of this rant you may ask yourself, well, I realised something a while ago. I realised that no matter how low, average, poor, unintelligent, etc, people are, they will always find people they think they’re better than. On the contrary, even if you make it to Harvard or Oxford universities, they’ll always be people there who will still think they’re better than you because whatever you’re studying falls under the humanities faculty and they on the other hand are doing something called Aero dynamical and nuclear Astro physics- majoring in the statistical atoms of the universe or some crap like that. For others it would simply be because they’re mommies and daddies pay for their expensive education and you came there by Scholarship. So here it is, don’t worry yourself about why people behave the way they do towards you. Nine out of ten times you’ll find out that they’re insecure about something and hating on you makes them feel better.

How to spot a Wits student

How to spot a wits student

<pic sourced: www.witsdfo.wordpress.com>

I had a first instalment which spoke about spotting a UJ student and so I thought I’d practice that journalistic ethic called, balance. I had numerable responses from Wits students about the first article. So in the interest of fairness I have decided to bring you these subjective observations. I’ll begin with former Wits students. You see when students fail and are kicked out of a particular varsity. It’s usually because of a number of reasons, but generally it has to do with under-performing academically. 

When this scenario involves a student who once studied at Wits. Trust me you’ll know the first time you guys have a conversation, and without even asking at that. They’ll use every chance they get to tell you that all important statement…… ‘I use to study at Wits hey!’

Secondly, if you ever find yourself spending a day at the big, historic main campus of the University of the Witwatersrand and happen to find yourself in a conversation with Wits students and are engaged in an intellectual conversation which your are dominating so much that everyone around you is nodding their heads in agreement. Don’t ruin the moment for yourself and tell them that you are not a current or at least former Witsie. I tell you, all the agreement and respect you would have wasted hours gathering will disappear instantly. (Poor, dumb, you).

Moving on, varsities have thousands of students. You literally see new faces every single day. But if you happen to spot a student walking around awkwardly with a back pack large enough to fit Five soccer balls in it, and they are looking around the buildings in your campus with a look on their faces that seems to say ‘HHhhmmmmm this place is actually not too bad for a glorified high school’ that person my dear reader would be a Wits student (massive generalisation).

<www.witsvuvuzela.com>

Furthermore, during school holidays. The neighbourhood is filled with faces that seem to only appear in March, June, September and December. You guessed right dear reader. Those would be students. If you ever become so curious that you have a talk with one of them and find yourself saying ‘Oh so you are a varsity student, that’s nice’. The person that will squint their eyes and clench their teeth as if they just drank castor oil, and touch you on the shoulder and say ‘well, actually… I am a WITS STUDENTS, will be yours truly.

Lastly, Spring has come, so parties are everywhere. If you happen to be hosting a party on a Friday night and are busy trying to convince one guest not to leave just yet, and they say to you ‘no man, my books are like seriously waiting for me, you know’. If you are a persistent bugger and go on and ask them ‘what, are you writing on Monday? Ok, is it in the next two weeks? The person who will look you right in eyes and say ‘no! I’m actually writing a month and a half from now. If you find yourself face to face with this rare species, dear reader, you will have succeeded. Yes, you will have spotted a Wits students!

Oscar, you deserve an Oscar indeed

Oscar, you deserve an Oscar indeed

<pic sourced.www.abc.net.au>

So the verdict is out and South Africans are beside themselves. Hurling everything from, condemnation, insults and all sorts of emotional outbursts at the outcome. The public seems to be in unison that Pistorius deserves to be locked up and the key be locked away at some obscure desk of at the NPA head office. However the trial may have gone the situation is still tragic either way. A life of a young person with a bright future laying ahead of her was lost. On the same token, a charismatic and outstanding national hero had a potential strong legacy reduced to dust, not to mention that his life as a celebrated athlete is virtually over.

Let me just state this, I’m not on any side in this. My opinion is mainly based on a vitriolic societal reaction. Everyone seems to be arguing logic and reasoning, arguing how Oscar should have reacted and what logic and reasoning should have been exercised. My point is mainly that logic and reasoning has nothing to do with legal matters. If the law had to consider people’s emotions and what they think or what should happen, every one ever accused would be languishing in a dark prison cell as we speak.

Contrary to what you what you may now believe, I fully think that Pistorius should have been found guilty of murder. In saying that I have however, entertained the notion that however absurd or untruthful it sounds, Oscar Pistorius might just be speaking the truth when he says he heard a noise, got frightened and took out his gun and shot at the perceived danger.

Whether or not we think he should have shouted and warned the perceived intruder, shot warning shots at the ceiling or ran to his cell phone and called security is besides the matter. The point is that we have the luxury of hindsight hence we talk of logical responses and such. When one is at the heat of the moment, in the throes of anger, fear or excitement, there is no time to think to be logical and think about conventions or the norm. That’s like telling a person who was hit by a car which they saw coming at a couple of meters off, that they should have just jumped off the way. However you see it we will not be the same after this and that’s all your fault Oscar.

 

 

The South African you think you are

The South African you think you are

“It's very difficult not to come across as a  white supremacist when there are so many black inferiorist around .(sic)” -David Bullard

<pic sourced:
www.southafrica-for-dummies.com>

I used this quote on purpose, is it ruffling your feathers?
The past few weeks have divided many of us, brought some of us together and demonstrated that some of us would go to great lengths to demonstrates that they truly do not care about what happens in our parliament, provincial legislatures and courts-I say that this because I truly believe that someone would really ‘not give a rat’s ass’-as Americans prefer to put it, about how our country is managed and the shenanigans or lack there off, carried out by those doing the so called, managing.

The fracas caused by the Nkandla scandal, the Oscar Pistorius trial, the bombings between Israel and Hamas in the Gaza strip, Malema and the red brigade’s slogan coining revolt in parly, etc. these have really shown what kind of citizens South Africans are.

According to me they are three type of South Africans;

•          The opinionated, knowledgeable or  current affairs following type
•          The opinionated, clueless, but current affairs following type-who more often than not would rather laugh at an issue and speak of how ‘ridiculous’ it is.

•          The passive ‘ It doesn't involve me’ type
•          Lastly,  the despondent ‘ if it isn’t this damned, and god forsaken country’ uttering type. 

The first category refers those who make it their mission to follow every story, read up on the reasons of a  conflict, the policy, law or popular opinion surrounding everything that happens in the country. These people will write to publications, blog, call into talk shows or merely listen and partake in heated debates about the matter at hand-warning, they're usually the type that think they know it all and may get on your nerves.

<Pic sourced: wwwsaparavur.blogspot.com>

The second bunch is just as vocal and also makes a concerted effort to follow every story, the only part they neglect is to read up on the fundamentals surrounding the issues or even listen to reputable experts on the matter. They're usually the loudest and will rather silence you through shouting and quoting philosophers and theorists to get you off topic.

The third ilk (that means type-and yes I just used it for no reason, I know), either does give a damn or has taught itself not to. People of this category never have an opinion, if they do, they seldom know what to say about it-tragic, I agree.

The last category consists of those who probably once fell in the first or second category at some point. This type has probably written letters of complaints, almost engaged in fist fights in heated debates-yes those people do exist, but they came to a point where they ceased to care, that is not to say they couldn't be bothered, merely that they do nothing to show that bother.

<Pic sourced: www.dispatchlive.co.za>

 So! Which South African are you?

No one wants a good guy, but a good guy is good

No one wants a good guy, but a good guy is good

These words were uttered by one of my female colleagues in a discussion we had this Tuesday at the office. So you know all my colleagues are female and you wouldn't believe the stuff I've learnt this from them, this year already.

<pic sourced at www. tattoopins.com>

These days people talk about playing the game and being the this and that sort of player. Let me be precise, when I say people, I mean guys. Here's the thing, when you find yourself having been friend zoned more times than you have actually been the boyfriend you probably need to know something. Here it is, girls simply do not want good guys. The moment you think you're being a gentleman, there's another guy out there doing the exact opposite of what you're doing, yet getting benefits that you are still dreaming of having.

Don't get me wrong. From what I heard, you don't have to be mean, cruel, and physically abusive or something from a Yizo-Yizo prison scene. All you have to be is someone with an ‘uyeza noma awuzi’ attitude. Here are examples,  ; be the guy who laughs at a girls sob stories while she’s busy confiding in you; ask her once if she wants to do something and walk off while she’s still taking her time with the answer; call her to your place and have her cook for you; leave her to go drinking with your friends and come back next morning when she has come to visit you for the weekend, Throw in an argumentative nature over the most irrelevant matters and the promise of a slap or the actual act and voila! You’re the elusive, mystical ‘bad boy’ that makes girls weep (literally) and weak at the knees.

<pic sourced at www.johnturner.com>

‘Who wants to go party with a good guy, that’s just a recipe for a boring night’ this paraphrased statement is a watered down account of what was actually said. In the  discussion I mentioned above.The do's and don't according to my colleagues were concise and straight to the point, and went like this:

·         Never drop everything when she just decides to tell you she’s coming at a spur of the moment, she should know that your life doesn't revolve around her.

·         When she comes over to your place, open the packet of chips, drink the juice or cool drink and eat a couple of those biscuits in that pack. She should think your place always has these goodies, not that you only buy them when she comes around.

·         Lastly, if you ever agree to let her bring her friends to an outing whereas you had invited only her, you've lost the game my friend. Your place at the players hall of fame has been given to a real player, and not poor you.

How to spot a UJ student

How to spot a UJ student

 UJ students are easily recognisable, to outsiders ( No! not immigrants, but students from other tertiary institutions) because of their apparent attention seeking nature ( that’s a good thing) as well their consistently deliberate efforts to stand out. Yes, the general belief that UJ students are too out there is actually true-ACCORDING TO ME AT LEAST.

<photo by Mpho Macheke-UJ Observer>

 Firstly, lookout for the students walking around the student centres of other varsities, with that “oh I wish you could come to my school and see what A real student centre looks like”. Secondly, when they know there’s going to be a high attendance of students from other campuses. UJ guys walk around with that smug self-satisfied grin which has that “I told them we had the hottest girls in South African tertiary institutions” air in it. Thirdly, at the Fresher’s or RAG parties, UJ students would be the ones dancing as if the Mayans had changed the date for the end of the world to September 1^st 2014.

Furthermore when you turn on your TV to watch a variety or game show and there are contestants who are studying in varsity. The most talkative guy acting like the show is produced by his uncle or the girl with the impressive weave and dress sense will most certainly be studying in UJ. In the event you find yourself in Braamfontein-where there is a plethora of tertiary institutions, and are in a debate about which varsity is the best in the country. The people looking sour as if they just had a sip of beer and realised it tasted nothing like juice, everytime when the guy or girl from Wits says how impressive Wits is, are probably UJ-ians.

<photo sourced: www. itnewsafrica.com>

Lastly, perhaps the most visible indicator that someone is a UJ student is when you are chilling with a guy ekasi lakho and you’re showing him how hot the girls in your neighbourhood are. The guy acting like he’s seen it all when it comes to hot girls would be the one from UJ. If it’s a girl when you show her how impressive ‘Thabo’ is because he just bought a Golf 5, the girl acting like Thabo might as well be driving an Uno, is probably from UJ.

I must say that as much as all that I have written is a satirical take of my school and its students, this is the exact thing that makes me love being a student from the University of Johannesburg. FYI don’t even think of making fun of my school, only we can do that.

                                                                                                                      

<pic sourced from UJ Observer>

Equal Rights for Women

Equal Rights for Women

How I think women only want it when its beneficial to them in some way

<www.rationalfaith.com>

Now before you jump up and yell, chauvinist! Lend me an ear first. Of all the chants and debates about equal rights to opportunities in management or leadership positions, women are most vociferous .It’s okay to do “once manly jobs such as being police officers, soldiers, etc, because they are interested in doing them. In the black communities I grew up in, women there are okay to dismiss doing the garden or throwing out the rubbish as a man’s job because they aren't interested in doing them.

I’m well aware of the fact that my examples border on the silly and irrelevant, but that’s just how low the hypocrisy delves. Age old societal norms such as calling the human race ‘mankind’, using words such as chairman to note an organisation’s head or having a woman take her husband’s last name after marriage, are scoffed at and denigrated at feminist fuelled advocacy groups or merely in the mindsets of a lot of women.

That attitude seizes to be scornful and promptly turns into a jest when it comes to other societal norms that have persisted throughout the ages. Norms such as the man having to pay in the event of an outing, be the ‘gentleman’ and let the ‘ladies’ go first and the like.

Indeed, if you watch reputable talk shows such as Oprah for instance you’re given front row seats as to how hypocritical women can be. That is exactly what happened to former US secretary of state, Hillary Clinton when she chose to forgive, her husband, then President Clinton after the Monica Luwensky debacle.

Whenever a woman is found to have cheated, the man is lauded as a gentleman and a good guy if he forgives her. Watch what happens when a man is found to have committed an infidelity-the audience is unanimous and steadfast in condemning the foolish partner for even considering pardoning that sorry excuse of a ‘human being’. Indeed, even in the event of the women falling pregnant by her equally happy to cheat partner, the man would be a saint personified if they chose to overlook the ‘incident’ and continued on and raised the other Man’s child.

<www.breakingtheglass.com>

In this diverse country of our which has provisions for African customs and traditions, No customs is as backward, patriarchal and chauvinistic, not to mention that treats women as commodities such as Ilobolo, and Of all the ‘irrelevant’ and ‘unnecessary’ African customs,  the so called modern woman has no problem with this particular custom.

 If this Ilobolo actually worked conversely and instead required women or their families to take out that extortionately exorbitant amount of money that unlike as originally intended will do nothing to stop a marriage from being dissolved in matter of years or even months, a plethora of women would have dismissed it as a thing of the past that should rather remain there.

There are campaigns all over the world that talk of how ‘real men’ ought to behave. Women seem to know everything ‘real men’ shouldn’t and should do. Slogans that have the prefix real men don’t... are the toast of their campaign managers. However, if men took to the streets with placards speaking of how’ real women’ ought to behave, they would be chastised and questions such as ‘who do they think they are’ would be abound.

<www.ramzpaul.com>

I’m cognisant of how bitter I come across, but let me assure you that I was grinning from ear to ear as I wrote this because I realise that self preservation is one of those traits that all human beings are infallible of. So the next time you think of how evil men have been by pronouncing themselves lords over women through the ages. Spare the taught that women would have done the very same thing had they had the chance.